We all tend to cope with negative events that happen in our lives in different ways. I have tiptoed through the end of Owen's cancer treatment and I've learned that for me, the best way to overcome a minefield of emotion was to never revisit the same place. I recently submitted a piece of writing to a Kit Sora Flash Ficton Contest by Engen Books and one of the lines I wrote had to do with tiptoeing around memories for fear of detonating one. Sometimes I write things without realizing the truth of the words until I reflect on them. Throughout Owen's treatment, one of my secrets to moving forward was to not look back. I deleted a facebook account and started a new one when the memories that popped up reminded me of what our family had to endure. Even though I only posted positive pictures, the backstory of the event saturated my heart.
Now, next month Owen transitions to the long term survivor clinic and I am ready. Beyond ready. However, just as they did before, my facebook account tries to suck me back to how it felt as Owen transitioned to life off treatment. Again, I only posted positive events, but the fear of relapse was a fear I had. It still gets me when I get an unexpected call from the Alberta Children's Hospital - a trigger I don't think will ever go away. To keep moving forward, I've closed my last facebook account and have started a new one. It may seem strange to many of my friends, but staying away from those 'on this day' memories keeps me happy and prevents me from spiralling into my fears. Out of sight, out of mind is what I need right now.